The Old Lady
You know she’s old, because she has ‘official granny hair’: permed and white. She has to go to the salon every week to keep that look — a lot of effort to ensure that no one mistakes her for younger than she is.
She has no filter. Whether she had one before is unclear — you never knew her young. That’s the benefit of age: you can piss people off as much as you want. If they get annoyed, just pretend you’re deaf. That’s what she does — and you know she’s faking because no rumors escape her sharp ears.
She’s a cheat, too. “Here’s the new card game I just learned!” she says. “I’ll show you how to play.” Every time the hand doesn’t go her way, she changes the rules. You know it isn’t your imagination since the rules magically change back when she gets a good hand. If anyone points out the discrepancies, suddenly she’s deaf again.
Here’s one speed on her car. Not really: it goes 0 to 120, same as most cars. But she’s got a lead foot these days. Whether it’s a parking lot beside a school or the interstate, she goes 42. No 40, not 45 — 42. You wonder if she notices. A person can’t fear much at that age. If a cop pulls her over, out comes the deaf card.