Episode 12: Were Rooster Goes on a Date
Hank is a romantic guy. He enjoys planning dates with Stacy and buying her gifts. The way she lights up when he takes her by surprise? It makes him feel all fluttery inside.
So when he checks his calendar and realizes that their six-month anniversary is on the full moon, he panics. He can’t just ignore their six-month anniversary. It’s a huge milestone, one he’s never managed in previous relationships.
Maybe he can convince Stacy that it’s okay to celebrate the day before or after? So long as they plan it, she’ll know he didn’t just forget, so that’s fine.
Unfortunately, Hank is going to be stupidly busy with work the day before and after. Trying to convince his girlfriend to move things around at odd times is hard, but trying to convince his boss is way harder. His boss, after all, is nowhere near as awesome as his girlfriend. It was tough enough to adjust his work schedule so he isn’t working the night of the full moon. He won’t be able to move the nights before or after.
He got the evening of the full moon off. He doesn’t go full rooster until the moon comes out, which won’t happen until a few hours after work. (He’s sure about that, because he has an app that tracks the moon in detail for him, and which he then double checks.) So if he has a short date with Stacy, he can make it work.
Since he has to allocate time to get back home after the date, he suggests McDonalds. It’s only two blocks from his house.
“Are you kidding?” Stacy says.
“It’s an American tradition, and we’ve never been there before! Their chicken nuggets are awful, but the BigMacs are great.” In a moment of romantic genius, Hank adds, “We love each other so much, we can have an awesome date even at McDonalds.”
Somehow, Stacy buys that. Hanks’s got no idea how he got away with it, but he isn’t complaining.
The day before their anniversary arrives. Hank tells some of his friends about his plans. They also have no idea how he managed to convince Stacy that an anniversary at McDonalds is more romantic than at a fancy restaurant. They just hope he at least remembered to buy her flowers.
He did not remember to buy her flowers.
That’s why Hank turns up late for the date, because the first grocery store he stopped at after work had run out of flowers, and the second one only had weird flowers. He was panicking by the time he stopped at the third store, but it had a few roses. Half of them are yellow, but that’s fine, right?
“You’re lucky I love you,” Stacy tells him when he presents the flowers to her. She scarfs down her last few fries (because she started without him), then glances at her watch. “And that’s I’m busy, too. Happy half year anniversary.” She gives him a quick kiss and leaves.
Hank hasn’t even had time to order yet. He watches as she gets in her car and drives away. He hadn’t expected a romantic night, but he’d hoped for more than this.
“Chicken nuggets help when you’re having romantic problems,” says the kid at the register.
Hank gives him a filthy look. “What, because I want to make the night even worse?” He orders two BigMacs and two fries, because he can save some of it for tomorrow.
He doesn’t want to spend his half year anniversary with the lingering taste of worms and bugs in his mouth.
