All Episodes of Hank the Were Rooster

Hank is half-listening to one of his work colleagues talk about his trip to the Caribbean when he realizes that he hasn’t been on vacation in years. He’s had time off from work since there is a max to the amount of overtime he can accumulate, but he uses that time to laze around the house or maybe go on a day trip. He hasn’t gone anywhere overnight since the rooster thing.

Almost as soon as he realizes it, he decides he wants a vacation. He spends entirely too much time at home, so he wants to go somewhere else.

Hank occasionally can plan. He’s got his calendar marked with the full moon, and his phone puts up alerts for him. It’s only once a month when the rooster thing becomes an issue. He can plan his vacation around that.

Or so he had hoped. His boss has different ideas.

There are conferences and discussions with customers and visits that Hank simply has to be there for. Given how important his presence appears to be, Hank asks for a raise. His boss ignores that and offers a handful of dates when Hank can take a vacation.

Every single one of those dates overlaps the full moon.

Hank hems and haws (and asks for a raise a few more times) before deciding that his desire to have a real vacation outweighs everything else.

A little over a month later, Hank boards a plane for Miami. Weird shit happens all the time in Florida. Even if Hank goes outside and yells while in rooster-mode, it won’t matter. As long as his hotel is somewhere safe, he has nothing to worry about.

Miami is fantastic. He swims in the ocean, suns himself on the beach, walks down the boardwalks, and eats so many meats that aren’t chicken.

Then comes the day of the full moon. Hank ignores it throughout the day — he’s on his first real vacation in years, damn it, and he’s going to have fun. He has a little too much fun and drinks way too much at the bar.

As night falls, he staggers back to his hotel room. He walks into a few walls which refused to get out of his way. He just barely has enough sense to lock and bolt his hotel room door behind him. Maybe his inner rooster could have passed out and missed the full moon, but Hank forgets to close the curtains.

Moonlight fills the room, and he gets out of bed. He fails to find any bugs or worms in the carpet. The bolt on the door refuses to open even after he spends a few minutes pecking at it. He trips over the bed and the chair a few times, and then flaps his wings (meaning his arms) at them to tell them off.

Hank got an upscale hotel room, one nice enough that it has a minibar. He discovers that a rooster with opposable thumbs can open the door, open both cans and bottles, and chug every last bit of available alcohol. And eat the chocolate bars.

When he finishes, he can barely stand up. Even flapping his wings does little to help him remain vertical. He clucks at the moon, feeling betrayed.

Soon, the pale light of dawn touches the edge of the sea. Hank stares at it for a long moment. Then he lunges to his feet, puffs out his chest, and yells, “Wake the fuck urk—”

He doubles over and throws up all over the bed. Then pukes two more times for good measure.

He gets charged an extra two hundred dollars to pay for the cleanup. The ocean was nice, but it’ll be a long time before Hank takes another vacation.